No Sparks No Gooseh
Gutted there were no fireworks this year on the Forest Recreation Ground and also… no Goose Fair! The absence of these familiar markers make everything feel strangely suspended. Covid is still dragging on, restrictions shifting, plans uncertain. I had almost forgotten what it all felt like while in Malawi, where life seemed more open, more immediate and carried on in a more normal manner. Coming back to the UK feels like stepping back in time a bit. Trapped in the cycle.
In other news, Isabella is heading off to Greece to bring doggo here to the UK, as it seems we will be here a while. At least that is something to look forward to, an adventure for them as they are catching a lift with a friend of hers driving through Europe. We have also been having this random cat come into the house. She sneaks in and comes up to hang out with us in the living room, she sneaks in through the bathroom window.
Work wise, I feel completely untethered. I know I don't want to continue as an ecologist, but I also don't know what the alternative is right now. So for now, I get back into cheffing. Something fairly easy, familiar and practical. Not much thinking for me especially as I am an agency chef. So I am in and out of places with no commitment. This is what I need right now. No responsibility and commitment as I figure out what I want and also caring for mum.
The past few weeks had been heavy with Mum recovering post-surgery. She's strong, remarkably so, but it's been tough watching her rebuild. I've been taking proper food into hospital because, frankly, the meals there are gross. How do they expect healing when serving up Ultra Processed Foods? Taking her wholesome nutritious foods feels like the one thing I can control: nourishment, care, small acts of strength in uncertain times.
Just a little side not here, as I find it so interesting… These are two of mums paintings. She never normally paints in yellow but she felt so inclined for these two a few months ago. The one on the right especially has red in a shape that almost looks like a liver. Yellow the colour of jaundice but also of the solar plexus. Interesting how the body was almost expressing the warning before it came to light. When painting, colours and feelings come to her, leading to how she expresses herself through brushstrokes and colours. So these two became PreTSD and Liver in title painted 2 months before mum got jaundice from the blocked valve due to the tumour on her pancreas. The body knows whats going on, listen to it.
